We’ve all heard of sleep training, but what about meal training? I’m not sure if “meal training” is an actual phrase, however I’m not sure what else to call it!

Before I became a Mom, I had this perception that every single kid is a terrible and picky eater and there is absolutely nothing that a parent could do. Just like teething is inevitable, so is picky eating. I also thought that mealtime meant forcing your child to finish what you put in front of them, and if they don’t, you put other and more fun food in front of them to entice their appetite. Otherwise they starve to death right? This was my mindset when I began asking my sons pediatrician all the good questions I had and he was ready for me; clearly I was not the first Mom to have the above beliefs about toddlers and food!

From the very first visit at 6 days old, our sons pediatrician always gave us guidance that was easy to apply and made us feel like we were really good parents. Because they never steered us wrong, anytime I have a question, I don’t Google; I reach out to our pediatrician! So when our son started eating solids at 6 months (we tried at 4 months and he was NOT interested), I had my list of questions ready to go for our Doc!

Age 6 through 10 months was very easy for us food wise. Our son still drank formula as his main “meal” throughout the day, but I made my own purées of all kinds of fruits and veggies. I decided to make my own from scratch because I couldn’t breastfeed, so this was my way of providing my own food for my son (made sense in my head at the time 😝). He ate anything and everything I put in his little pouches and I felt like a million bucks. Once he reached the big ONE, we switched to milk as a snack and he started eating “adult” food regularly. One day out of the blue, he looked at his food, smiled a teeny bit and BAM went the plate to the floor. I was shocked and perplexed- where was my “I’ll eat everything” baby? I obviously turned to our pediatrician and was so glad to hear that no, this did not mean he was going to be a “picky” eater and there are some things we could do. Most kids have a moment where they start experimenting with the strength of their will and the buttons they could push and get away with. Whether it’s at meal time, bed time or in public; it’s less about the food and more about “will this get me what I want?” This is where a lot of our pediatricians advice came in and I had to let go of everything I knew about kids and eating.

So, what are some of the strategies we implemented from our doc that have truly worked?

1. He eats what we eat. We don’t make him anything special or different. We do HelloFresh religiously, so we have a wide variety of meals and it can get “fancy” but he still eats it. During the first quarantine, we didn’t do HelloFresh and just cooked daily but same thing, he ate whatever we made. This was our routine from day one when he went from purées to solids, and it sent the message that baby doesn’t get something special. The only exception is breakfast- we “eat” coffee, and that isn’t recommended for toddlers, so he eats oatmeal (his current love. We switch it up once in a while).

2. As soon as he showed signs of wanting to feed himself, we let him take over. My Mom didn’t understand why we weren’t spoon feeding him to ensure everything gets in his mouth and he’s nice and fed.. but you know, pediatrician said not to 😆 Yes, many meals resulted in 60%+ of his food ending up on the floor (our dog was overjoyed), but spoon feeding him would just result in him growing up relying on adults around him to feed him. Would it have been easier to feed him rice with a spoon instead of watching him pick up each grain one by one? Sure! But there’s no learning in that. As a result, he is very independent at meal time, which is really important for us because he’s in daycare and his teachers wouldn’t be able to feed him every single meal.

3. We don’t force him to eat. If we put a plate of food in front of him and he eats only 10%, that’s okay. Once he signals he’s done (usually he tries to get out of his chair or starts feeding our dog), we let him go about his day. We don’t give him another meal shortly after because he didn’t eat “enough,” we just follow our schedule. If he asks for more of something in his plate, we give him a bit more of everything in his plate.

4. If he doesn’t eat what we put in front of him, we don’t give him something else. This is REALLY important to follow. This was hard to wrap my mind around, but this was our doctors #1 recommendation. If you keep giving him alternative food, he’ll learn that if he waits enough, he’ll eventually get what he wants… which usually doesn’t include vegetables 😝. This contributes greatly to picky eaters (or so they say). Do we stick to this 100%? No. It’s hard to- we give in to the occasional demand for a croissant or cookie, but I also remind myself I’m the adult and don’t take orders from a toddler. If you’re worried about them missing a meal as a result and being hungry- we were too. Apparently, it’s 100% okay for kids to skip meals for up to 24 hours; they also won’t starve themselves. They can’t. If they are hungry, they’ll eat the food in front of them… unless they learned you’ll give in and they’ll get what they want.

5. We don’t make a big deal when he eats well and we don’t beg, make promises, put on a “trick and pony” show to get him to eat. It’s important to allow mealtime to be just that- a time one eats, or not.

6. We are very strict about the amount of sugar he eats at home.. and only at home. I check food labels religiously for sugar amounts and most of his sugar intake at home comes from fruit. We do this because we know we can’t control his sugar intake at daycare and or when we visit friends/family. His daycare provides meals that are healthy, but there are birthday cupcakes here and there. We try not to make food a big deal when we’re out or are guests.

7. Overall, we don’t fight about food with him. My husband and I spend a lot of time discussing our sons meals and whether or not we think he ate well and how to improve his food intake, but at mealtime, we relax and don’t create stress and anxiety. Is he a perfect eater? No. Does he run to the snack closet as soon as he wakes up at 6am or gets home from daycare? Yes. Do we give in? Occasionally. Do we try to stick to the above strategies? Yes… I’d say we nail it 75% of the time.

If I didn’t ask our pediatrician questions about meal time, I would have done what I always thought was supposed to happen- beg him to eat, if he doesn’t eat what I give him, give him something else. If he didn’t eat what I considered enough, ply him with snacks- at least he ate, right? I do have to remind Grandma when we visit to stop giving him croissants at 6am and not to give him alternative meals if he doesn’t eat what’s in front of him (but I can’t control something when I’m not present so we stick to our rules at home mostly)… it’s not a perfect system but I think I have a toddler who is developing a healthy relationship with food.

If you don’t follow any of the above, that’s okay. We all have to do what makes sense for us and what’s within our comfort level. I have always been so frustrated by my cultures “you need to eat” every time we entered anyone’s house and the non stop questions about my wellbeing if I dared not eat every bit of the 5 plates placed in front of me… so it was important for us NOT to make food a thing.

All of the tips above are not my original ideas- they are all credited to our pediatrician and the practice he is a part of.