Ever feel like there is so much on your plate that it’ll just be easier to flip it over and give up? Yeah…me too. I’m the kind of person who typically thrives on stress and achieving the next thing. I’m not sure why this is- maybe it has to do with being a middle child and needing to leave a mark, or the fact that, well, I’m sort of crazy. I’ve always said that I need stress to function and some of the best work that I do happens under a lot of pressure. While that is true- I’ve learned over the last year that I need to balance my life or I’ll get burned out before I’m 30.

After we got married, I put my focus on becoming a good wife- cooking everything from scratch and keeping a clean home (I can tell you I only succeeded in one of those…). Up until this time last year, I cooked almost every night and packed lunch a lot. I baked dessert and tried new recipes. We entertained quite a bit and I loved every moment of it. All of that started to change this year as I went back to school and learned that being superwoman is EXHAUSTING! And guess what? I don’t want to be superwoman any more! Trying to be superwoman all the time meant a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself and self disappointment when the chicken I defrosted the day before was still not cooked, or when our bathroom wasn’t spotless when friends came over. Even silly things like feeling disappointment in myself when I finally gave in and bought shredded carrots for the first time ever. I mean. Carrots. Really?! In the midst of trying to do all things at once, I started to realize that I just can’t do it all and that’s okay. Here are some of my aha moments that I hope will resonate with you and you give yourself a break:

1. Stop judging yourself for little things that don’t matter. When you can’t bake that cake or make that sauce from scratch for company, let it go…the people that matter most won’t care if everything isn’t perfect. They’re over to spend time with you and aren’t going to judge you for having store bought dessert- or none at all. And if they are? Well maybe you can go to their place instead and see what happens..

2. Learn to say NO! I struggle with this a lot. I always want to help or do it all- but end up apologizing and feeling disappointed in myself. When someone asks you for a favor- don’t respond immediately. Take time to think about it and get back to them. Be fair to yourself and your time- if you say no, no one is going to judge you for it- so why are you judging yourself? It’s okay to walk away and be a little selfish with your time.

3. Don’t compare yourself to others. This is a big one for many- especially with social media! I wrote a post about this a while back but I’ll say it again. You are you- so be you! Embrace you! If you don’t have the energy or time to decorate your entire home with DIY crafty decor for brunch- don’t do it! I used to want to put out candles, flowers, etc., when friends came over- but with a small apartment, it’s almost impossible to do all of that- and I quickly learned that our friends love us for us- not our decor. That’s what counts! And honestly… I’m not even that creative to be able to pull off cool DIY. If you are- that’s awesome! It takes so much skill and creativity. If you aren’t- that’s awesome too! Celebrate your strengths and let go of your weaknesses. Something I tend to do is compare myself to accomplished people in my field and think “wow…I’ve done nothing compared to them!” Or I’ll think “wow, they already bought a house!” My husband is really good at putting things into perspective for me- these comparisons are very unfair because everyone starts at a different place in life and everyone has different goals. We all make great achievements that are unique to our life and that’s what matters. Having role models is important, but not when that comparison is causing you to have negative self doubt.

4. Be proud of your accomplishments instead of getting hung up in areas you might fall short. Seriously- give your self a pat on your back because you’re awesome. On most days, I feel pretty good about my place in life- but other days I feel so beat up and deflated. That’s normal every once in a while -just don’t allow that to become your everyday normal.

5. Stop seeking the approval of others for everything. It’s important to hear feedback from our bosses and those we look up to- but it’s not the end all be all. If you know you did a great job- don’t feel like you didn’t because your boss didn’t confirm it. Sometimes people are so caught up in their own stress and situation, they might not have time to give you affirmation. Learn to believe in your work and be your own boost of confidence. And if you feel like you really need some feedback- just ask! If you don’t feel comfortable asking the “higher ups,” ask a trusted friend/colleague.

6. Accept the “unknown” things about life– I’m a planner. I have lists at work and calendars and notebooks. I have a five year plan and am proactive in making it happen. However, things can change at the last moment or not work out the way you plan. Take a deep breath and accept it! You never know how much opportunity and joy is just around an “unknown” corner.

7. Be honest with yourself… Even about silly things that don’t seem like they matter. I’m slowly accepting the fact that I never ever wear heels (apart from special occasions)- so I have stopped buying heels. Seems silly- but it was a big deal to me! I’d stand in the shoe aisle, convincing myself that I’ll wear them- even imagining myself in them- so I’d buy them… Never to wear them… Which causes unnecessary stress every time I look at them. If you know that a full sink of dirty dishes is going to give you hives in the morning-do the darn dishes. I always say “Oh, I’ll do them after this episode of The Office…” sit down and fall asleep…only to look at the dirty dishes in the morning and feel like a failure in life. Seems extreme…but my version of dishes can be something else in your life that adds stress when it can be easily avoided.

8. Stick to your dreams.. Especially in the difficult moments! Sometimes- usually between January through end of March, we really question our sanity for staying in NYC. It can be miserable when it’s freezing and wet and the bus just isn’t coming, so you have to walk. Or when you have to push a cart full of laundry through slush in the dark because the world just seems dark 24/7 during those months. And sometimes we’ll think “why not just move someplace warm and buy a house?” We can have a big kitchen, a washer/dryer, a dinning room, etc.. But then we smack ourselves and snap out of it. NYC is our shared dream and even the bad moments are better than good moments elsewhere. We know we are happiest here and would probably shrivel up and turn into raisins any where else. The lesson?  A dream is worth the temporary misery that sometimes comes with it!

Overall, being superwoman sounds great and all-but I’ll settle for happiness. If I want to have a successful career, start a family and keep my sanity, I know I have to let go of certain expectations I’ve placed on myself…instead of doing it all, I am now very open to paying someone to do somethings for me, like our laundry and maybe our dishes..not yet, but one day..someday…